freewriting.

healing involves acceptance.

unconditional acceptance.

accepting our shadows.

both as an individual and as a society.

i want to spend my life researching my intuition. i want to explore my creativity, and analysis. i want to explore the dynamic between myself and the world. not only because it is what i do on autopilot anyway. it helps me better navigate the world. i think there are notions or hunches that i hold which if tested out, would benefit others as well.

for example, once such hunch:

the individual and the system the individual is in share first principles. if there ever was an original sin, it was that we have flaws due to the system we are in. the system has flaws that we internalize, and, over generations, forget how to separate from ourselves. they may not be ours first, but in a society where we share, it is ours eventually. our original sin would be a universal sin. from each of us. and from all of us. a sort of "we are in this together" moment. but for shame.

if we view the various factions of our society as our subselves, then the whole society is analogous to the whole individual. that which i think applies to the individual, also applies to the subselves. if we are the various subselves, then society is an individual. i have to accept my shadows to integrate myself as an individual and society has to accept its shadows for the same end. i can change my mind. so can society. i can get conflicted with myself. one faction wars with another. our body is the environment within which the individual resides. the planet we reside on is our environment. there are colonies of cells, molecules, bacteria, viruses, all swarming inside my environment as there are the species of earth.

i might be drawing simple parallels but that accentuates my point: there is something fundamental that we share. these concepts we apply to ourselves we apply to the world. the concepts the world applies to us, the more likely we are to apply them back. trauma. abuse. dominance. victimhood. humanity. love. forgiveness. imperfection. potential. worth. value.

the system is in us because we are in the system. even the most remote hermit is a unique and essential part of the system.

maybe think of society as a sponge, and the individual as one of the many holes in the sponge. is the hole part of the sponge? kind of. but also kind of not.

i think we should maximize in quality what we have access to in our little hole. even if the more impactful problems are the material within which we are a hole. but even that hole can hold fluid, gas or liquid, which can themselves hold more systems like bacteria and minerals, molecules and atoms. we might be like that. not made of the same stuff the sponge is made of but made of stuff nonetheless. the hole and the material both follow the rules of matter, individuals and their system both might follow the same rules.

changing the system's material is harder than maintaining it. but even the strongest steel pipe can rust. the interaction of system and individual might be similar. something in the individual rusts the system and vice versa. enough rusty holes over a long time will change the system, even dissolve it.

so if we see a systemic issue which is beyond repair, where the material itself needs to be changed, not maintained, we introduce rust.

some of us lean toward decomposing the existing material, some toward creating new materials. both are equally needed. almost exactly equally. the decomposers don't have to clear all of the material away, causing collapse, but enough so that the new material added is more than what remains. if possible, the decomposition should not waste more material than it needs to. same with the composers. but both have a job, one hole at a time, to change the material of the sponge.