feelings of scarcity can be related to feelings of victimhood. scarcity can be thought of as a lack of a resource or energy needed to not just sustain, but grow the ability to manage complexity. i want to be understanding, with simplicity, how complex things work---whether it's music theory, or deep learning, or SQL, I get a certain feeling of certainty when I can easily process complex information. largely due to the fact that emotional intelligence is probably the most complex system i've ever faced. i also know that i have enough emotional intelligence to have that awareness, but with that awareness comes an urgency for improved competency. sensemaking is a skill which has to be learned, and i don't find as much time in my day as i would like to spend on learning more about it. i think that's a part of self-care that i've been neglecting over the past couple weeks, and i'm ready to tend to it.